Book of texts: Naruto!
by Gaybacon
Summary: random text messages form the characters of naruto (i tried to make it funny its up to you if you think its funny read and find out) rated M for idk it has cuss words...
1. Chapter 1

**== A.N. ==**

 **So guess what! I'm making a book of random texts! *cheers and applause***

 **Yeah I know *bows* hehehe…. *someone throws a shoe***

 **Ha! The joke is on you! I needed a shoe anyways! *crickets***

 **No? Ok….**

 **Um so yeah I was bored and I wrote this**

 **(The characters I use in this are not mine)**

 **The authors note is over….. You can read now!**

Book of Texts: Naruto!

 _ **Hidan to Kisame**_

 **Hidan:** _Hey Kisame_

 **Kisame:** _What do you want Hidan_

 **Hidan:** _Can you do me a favor?_

 **Kisame:** _I'm not going to bail you out of jail again, last time Kakuzu screamed at me…_

 **Hidan:** _No not that dipshit_

 **Kisame:** _Then what?_

 **Hidan:** _I'm hungry_

 **Kisame:** _Why do I care you're immortal, you can't starve to death XD_

 **Hidan:** _*mutters* dick…_

 **Kisame:** _*glares* what was that? *pulls out Samehada*_

 **Hidan:** _*stutters* n-no-nothing_

 **Kisame:** _Good… *puts Samehada away*_

 **Hidan:** _So can you get me some food?_

 **Kisame:** _*sighs* Fine… what do you want to eat?_

 **Hidan:** _*gins* Can you bring me some sushi?!_

 **Kisame:** _WTF! NO!_

 **Hidan:** _*whines* Whyyyyy?_

 **Kisame:** _* looks daggers and takes out Samehada once more* do you want to lose your head?_

 **Hidan:** _*pouts* no…_

 **Kisame:** _*puts Samehada away* good…_

 **Hidan:** _This is why you have no friends! *makes a face*_

 **Kisame:** _As far as you know… they all hide from you cuz you smell like ass_

 **Hidan:** _*glares and pulls out scythe* what was that?_

 **Kisame:** _*repeats slowly with a grin* you…smell…like…ASS!_

 **Hidan:** _*sushi rolls magically appear and Hidan takes one and eats it in one bite* mmmmmm… so… yummy…_

 **Kisame:** _*cries* you took it too far!_

 **Hidan:** _*points angrily* you told me I smelt like ass you shit! You started it_

 **Kisame:** _But you ate fish!_

 **Hidan:** _So? I'm not the only one who eats fish_

 **Kisame:** _But I told you not to a while ago!_

 **Hidan:** _You aren't retarded enough to think I actually ate fish right? Are you?_

 **Kisame:** _But you did!_

 **Hidan:** _*face-plants*_

 **Kisame:** _What? *sniffles*_

 **Hidan:** _You're retarded and annoying_

 **Kisame:** _You're mean! *pouts*_

 **Hidan:** _You done yet bitch baby?_

 **Kisame:** _*mutters*Yes…_

 **Hidan:** _Good, and just so you know I didn't eat shit… (Because as everyone –except apparently you- knows sushi rolls don't magically appear out of nowhere)_

 **Kisame:** _Oh_

 **Hidan:** _Sooo…_

 **Kisame:** _What -_-_

 **Hidan:** _Can you bring me food?_

 **Kisame:** _*face-plants then gets up* no bitch get off your lazy ass and get that shit yourself~_

And Hidan was just like "WTF!"

 _ **The end!**_

 **== A.N. ==**

 **So did you like it? \\[o~o]/ so like I don't have that much time to write right? Well this way I can come up with short little stories or something like that (idk they're just little random drabbles…) I'm thinking of making the text messages be between characters of different animes so yeah (like attack on titan, free!, kuroko no basuke, togainu no chi, etc.) so if you'd like a conversation between two specific characters or a certain anime just tell me. So like tell me what you thought about it! I want to know if it was even funny…**

 **Ill randomly post these unless someone has a request (ill just write these when I'm bored if there's no requests)**

 **Anyways bye! Don't forget I love you! *messes up your hair by ruffling it* ha! *throws a box of chocolates at your face and magically disappears like sushi rolls appear***


	2. Chapter 2

**== A.N. ==**

 **Another chappie for Naruto texts! (^. ^)**

 **Another short drabble!**

 **(I don't own the characters….)**

 **I tried to make it funny**

 **Read and find out**

 **See u at the end!**

Book of Texts: Naruto (chapter two)

 _ **Tobi to Itachi**_

 **Tobi:** Itachi _!_

 **Itachi:** _What do you need Tobi?_

 **Tobi:** _Can I have a unicorn for my birthday?_

 **Itachi:** _No_

 **Tobi:** _Why?_

 **Itachi:** _Hidan is fatally allergic to them_

 **Tobi:** _But he's immortal!_

 **Itachi:** _You still can't have one_

 **Tobi:** _*whines* WHYYYYYY?!_

 **Itachi:** _Because I eat unicorns_

 **Tobi:** _Why?_

 **Itachi:** _Because they're yummy_

 **Tobi:** _What if I don't let you eat him?_

 **Itachi:** _…._

 **Tobi:** _So does that mean I can have one?! :D_

 **Itachi:** _FINE! UNICORNS ARENT REAL! THEYRE SHITTY MYTHICAL CREATURES THAT STUPID LITTLE BITCHES LIKE YOU CAME UP WITH BECAUSE THEY WERENT CONTENT WITH HAVING A REGULAR FUCKING HORSE! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!_

 **Tobi:** _No….._

 **Itachi:** _Good_

 **Tobi:** _Itachi?_

 **Itachi:** _What?_

 **Tobi:** _Why are you so mean?_

 **Itachi:** _Because I eat fucking unicorns and their flesh rots in my stomach which makes toxic fumes that go to my brain and make me evil_

 **Tobi:** _….._

 **Itachi:** _And that's why you can't have a unicorn (: D)_

Tobi didn't talk about unicorns around Itachi after that conversation….

 _ **THE END!**_

 **Yay another chapter!**

 **Are these even funny?**

 **Idk I tried**

 **Well leave me a review and show me some love~**

 **Thanks for reading, I hope you liked it and don't forget I love you….. Bye!**

 ***gives you a high-five and leaves a chocolate in your hand***


	3. Chapter 3

**== A.N. ==**

 **Another short drabble!**

 **I was bored so I took a break from studying and wrote this**

 **I hope it was funny….. Cuz I tried**

 **See u at the end**

 **ENJOY!**

Book of Texts: Naruto (Chapter three)

 _ **Sai to Naruto**_

 **Sai:** _You suck balls_

 **Naruto:** _WTF was that for?! I didn't do shit to you!_

 **Sai:** _I know_

 **Naruto:** _Then?_

 **Sai:** _I also know you're gay_

 **Naruto:** _So_

 **Sai:** _Wait you're gay?_

 **Naruto:** _Yeah_

 **Sai:** _Oh_

 **Naruto:** _What_

 **Sai:** _Me too! High-five!_

 **Naruto:** _I was lying_

 **Sai:** _Do I still get a high-five tho?_

 **Naruto:** _Ye *high-fives Sai*_

 **Sai:** _Yay!_

 **Naruto:** _So why did you text me that?_

 **Sai:** _I was reading a book and it said some people make big deals out of small things and I thought to myself that balls are small and I thought about you and I wanted to try it on you and see if it was true_

 **Naruto:** _Dick…._

 **Sai:** _Ey! I have one of those! (:D)_

 **Naruto:** _-_-_

 **Sai:** _Its ok if you don't have one, I'll accept you anyways_

 **Naruto:** _Why are you abscessed with my genitals?_

 **Sai:** _Because I don't know if you're and ugly flat girl or a boy_

 **Naruto:** _I ALREADY TOLD YOU I'M A BOY! YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT BY NOW!_

 **Sai:** _And I told you I won't believe you unless I see it_

 **Naruto:** _AND I ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT I'M NOT GOING TO SHOW YOU!_

 **Sai:** _As far as I know, you have a little choad and that's why you won't show me…._ **(A.N. since I'm a nice person for all of you that don't know what a choad is; it's a small chubby dick, there I saved you from getting scarred for life if you would've googled this)**

 **Naruto:** _That's not going to make you show you…._

 **Sai:** _Eh I tried_

 **Naruto:** _Whatever_

 **Sai:** _So… is Sasuke Taken?_

 **Naruto:** _Why are you asking this?_

 **Sai:** _Because he's your "friend"_

 **Naruto:** _-_- jerk_

 **Sai:** _So is he or not?_

 **Naruto:** _No…._

 **Sai:** _Yay!_

 **Naruto:** _Why yay?_

 **Sai:** _Because now I can ask him out (: D)_

 **Naruto:** _If you do, Sakura may kill you…._

 **Sai:** _No she won't_

 **Naruto:** _What makes you so sure?_

 **Sai:** _She's into that Yaoi shit, like Tsunade_

 **Naruto:** _Which means?_

 **Sai:** _If she finds out she might even help me get laid_

 **Naruto:** _…._

 **Sai:** _So yeah_

 **Naruto:** _Ok…_

 **Sai:** _Now if you excuse me imma go get me some Sasuke ass (:3)_

 **Naruto:** _EW_

 **Sai:** _I bet he's tight….._

 **Naruto:** _Ok I'm done, bye!_

 **Sai:** _Don't let the door hit you in the ass! (:D)_

 **Naruto:** _-_- jerk_

 **Sai:** _I thought you were leaving_

 **Naruto:** _…_

 _ **The end!**_

 **==A.N==**

 **I don't know I was expecting it to be funnier…..**

 **Any comments?**

 **I've been working on the stories more yay!**

 **Well as you know I love you! (Ugh it's annoying me how long it takes me to finish writing my stories….)**

 **Have some Kandy! *gives you a mystery candy bag***

 **Bye!**


	4. Chapter 4

**== A.N. ==**

 **Hello! How ya doing?**

 **Well I'm back with a new chapter for Naruto!**

 **I don't own the characters**

 **Enjoy! And see you at the end!**

Book of Texts: Naruto (chapter four)

 _ **Gai to Kakashi**_

 **Gai:** __ _Sup Bakashi! (:D)_

 **Kakashi:** __ _What do you want mighty gay?_

 **Gai:** __ _Let's do some training!_

 **Kakashi:** __ _How about no, and go get a life?_

 **Gai:** __ _*whines* But Kakashiiiiii! You're wasting your youth!_

 **Kakashi:** __ _Dude (-_-) have you seen my hair? It's gray!_

 **Gai:** __ _And?_

 **Kakashi:** __ _I don't know, just leave me alone and go ruin some little kids' lives! (Poor Lee…)_

 **Gai:** __ _You're mean_

 **Kakashi:** __ _Just leave me alone, you shit haircut guy!_

 **Gai:** __ _Its might guy!_

 **Kakashi:** __ _Sure, keep telling yourself that…._

 **Gai:** __ _You see that sass; put it in your pocket_

 **Kakashi:** __ _You see this ass? Why don't you just kiss it and leave me alone!_

 **Gai:** __ _Kakashi?_

 **Kakashi:** __ _What?_

 **Gai:** __ _Why don't you like me?_

 **Kakashi:** __ _Because I'm straight_

 **Gai:** __ _Not like that!_

 **Kakashi:** __ _Then?_

 **Gai:** __ _Why can't we be friends?_

 **Kakashi:** __ _I swear that if you start singing that shitty song, I will go to your house and chop off your balls_

 **Gai:** __ _Why can't you just say nice things once in a while?_

 **Kakashi:** __ _Do you want me to be nice?_

 **Gai:** __ _Yes!_

 **Kakashi:** __ _Ok_

 **Gai:** __ _So…_

 **Kakashi:** __ _Since I'm a nice friend let me tell you that you have a shitty haircut and that you should probably just be bald instead of having that mess on top of your head_

 **Gai:** __ _Kakashi_

 **Kakashi:** __ _No, let me finish_

 **Gai:** __ _But_

 **Kakashi:** __ _SHUT YOUR DIRTY WHORE MOUTH!_

 **Gai:** __ _….._

 **Kakashi:** __ _That shit you wear doesn't suit you; it makes your junk look small and your ass look big_

 **Gai:** __ _Kakashi_

 **Kakashi:** __ _You should probably burn that shit and stop making Lee wear the same thing_

 **Gai:** __ _Please_

 **Kakashi:** __ _You are the reason that Lee looks like a dumbass and turned out being naïve and retarded_

 **Gai:** __ _Dude_

 **Kakashi:** __ _Also, who the fucks are his parents? Are you bitches related or something, cuz I swear you look like Lee's old as fuck twin!_

 **Gai:** __ _KAKASHI!_

 **Kakashi:** __ _WHAT!_

 **Gai:** __ _SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH BEFORE I KICK YOUR TEETH IN!_

 **Kakashi:** __ _See? That's how a normal conversation between friends goes on (: D)_

 **Gai:** __ _Huh?_

 **Kakashi:** __ _We cuss at each other and talk about hurting each other instead of that dumbass crap you always talk about_

 **Gai:** __ _Kakashi_

 **Kakashi:** __ _What?_

 **Gai:** __ _You're a dick_

 **Kakashi:** __ _I know and a very big one_

 **Gai:** __ _I'd say kill me now, but we're ninjas so you might actually do it_

 **Kakashi:** __ _Anything for a friend (: D)_

 **Gai:** __ _Now I remember why I stopped texting you_

 **Kakashi:** __ _Yup_

 **Gai:** __ _I'll go train now_

 **Kakashi:** __ _Tell Lee he looks like a dumbass and that he should get a haircut for me since you're probably going to train together_

 **Gai:** __ _This is why you have no friends_

 **Kakashi:** __ _No, this is why I'm not friends with you_

 **Gai:** __ _Harsh much_

 **Kakashi:** __ _No I'm just honest_

 **Gai:** __ _Wow…_

 **Kakashi:** __ _I'll let you go train now (: D)_

After that Gai didn't ask Kakashi to train anymore…..

 **The end!**

 **== A.N. ==**

 **Was that funny?**

 **I don't know I expected it to turn out better…..**

 **Well that was more or less how I think they would talk (not really… I bet Kakashi would just probably ignore his texts XD hehe I'm so mean)**

 **Well just know I tried to make it funny**

 **Oh and Draco-Lord of Darkness thanks for letting me know (have a special lollipop) and I labeled them so the dialogue wouldn't be so confusing (: D)**

 **Anyways bye! Love you! And see u later! *high-fives u and throws you a chocolate***


	5. Chapter 5

**== A.N. ==**

 **Warning its rated M for a reason… as you could probably could tell from previous chapters…**

 **I own nothing! Can this be considered plot? Its conversations made up by me so…**

 **Anyways…**

 **Enjoy!**

Book of Texts: Naruto (chapter five)

 _ **Naruto to Sasuke**_

 **Naruto:** _hey Sasuke!_

 **Sasuke:** _what is it now Naruto?_

 **Naruto:** _did it hurt when you fell from heaven?_

 **Sasuke:** _did you just call me Satan?_

 **Naruto:** _um… sorry… (._.')_

 **Sasuke: …**

 _ **15 minutes later**_

 **Naruto:** _hey Sasuke!_

 **Sasuke:** _again? What do you want?_

 **Naruto:** _I challenge you to a pick up line battle!_

 **Sasuke:** _first of all. You sound gay. Second of all, I accept your challenge._

 **Naruto:** _there are 8 planets in our galaxy, but only eight after I destroy Uranus._

 **Sasuke:** _I like every bone in your body, especially mine._

 **Naruto:** _you know what I like in a guy? [What?] My dick._

 **Sasuke:** _you're like my little toe, because I'm going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my house._

 **Naruto:** _nice pants, can I test the zipper?_

 **Sasuke:** _my dick died. Mind if I bury it in your ass?_

 **Naruto:** _life is a dick, when it gets hard. "Fuck it."_

 **Sasuke:** _I'll be Burger King, you'll be McDonalds. I'll have it my way and you'll be loving it._

 **Naruto:** _…_

 **Sasuke:** _I win buy me some food. Because you called me Satan. (-3-)_

After that Naruto bought Sasuke a burger and some fries and they chilled

 _ **The End!**_

 **== A.N. ==**

 **Was this funny?**

 **Anyways I'm back with more stuff since summer is here and I finally have free time… yeah I had lots of stuff to do like tests and projects *crowd boos* I know I feel you**

 **Anyways thanks for reading and let me know if you would like a conversation between two characters like whatever you would like**

 **Feedback is appreciated!**

 **Anyways for reading this far have some of them Uchiha burgers! *throws hamburger at you* but if you a veggie eater have some broccoli (I love broccoli~)**


End file.
